How Does She Do It?

I was sitting at a work conference yesterday and the topic “how does she do it“ sent me into a thought spiral. When placed in a room full of women, we often look at each other and wonder how she can get it all done with everything on her plate. Though the question is the same, the WHY is often different. We often wonder if she can do it, can I do it too?

Who is the face behind the Rooted at Heart blog?

You might be wondering, how do I do it? How do I balance everything in my life? Well, the answer stems from a lot more than what meets the eye.

• I am a wife to my wonderful husband, Spencer. We married in 2020 in front of 20 of our closest family and friends!
• I am a mom to one beautiful daughter. We are expecting another little one to join our this spring.
• I am also a dog momma, to a Australian Bernedoodle.
  • With this I am a dog groomer (to our dog only) and prefer to groom our dog at home.
• My husband and I both work full-time jobs which require us to be present in our ‘work life’ Monday through Friday.
• “On the side”, I have this blog, Rooted at Heart, which is my passion project. I dedicate time to the blog each day.
• I fill my days with time spent in the kitchen to prepare meals from scratch. This helps our family stay as close to the ‘root’ as possible on items I have control over like sourdough bread.
• Moving my body makes me happy and helps me to stay healthy.
• Budgeting is my jam.
• Family time is very important to me. I am an advocate for making the most out of every day and dedicating my attention to my home.
• Additionally, I am a gardener, a reader, and a learner.

What you do not see on the list above are other factors which impact my daily life. In addition to being a mom and wife, I am a daughter, friend, mentor, leader, and giver. These titles can take up mental space within my day. I would not change this for the world.

Additionally, there are other factors in my life people do not see from the outside like being a 2x open heart surgery warrior and dealing with chronic migraines (with aura). I am also someone who has previously battled with anxiety and loss. Behind the smile, these are factors you can not ‘see’ or label me as. They do, however, also impact my ‘why’.

How to find balance in motherhood

As someone who ‘does it all’, I too, often feel like there is not a lot of time for balance. I often feel like I can give my focus on a project which causes something else, or someone else, to suffer.

Whenever one bucket is filled, another bucket has a little which pours out. This daily balance can be a mind game to know if I am spending my time in the right location or on the right task. Each day time is spent in some areas more than other – though it all balances out.

To determine what buckets I will pour my energy into, I wake up each morning and think about what I am grateful for. Through the hardest times in life – the ones that really challenge my faith – I wake up each morning with a smile.

By starting my day off with gratitude, I am able to create confidence, instill peace and have a positive attitude towards what each day will bring. Though some routines may seem repetitive, I always choose to see the glass half full.

Next, I wake up and put on clothes which make me feel happy. I change out of the pajamas and into some jeans (or sweatpants because I know I will be on the move chasing my daughter around).

Or I could be baking for a few hours, cleaning and organizing the house, getting a workout in, spending time outside, or simply just getting it done. I brush my hair, wipe the grains of sand out of my eyes and put a little make up on. I choose each day to put myself together.

After all, I am a hard worker. I am dedicated. And I work to achieve my goals. 

At the end of the day, we take time to talk about what filled each day. We celebrate the highs and the lows as a family. We then discuss anything which will be occurring over the next few days which need our attention.

Removing comparison in motherhood

It can be so easy to compare ourselves to another journey, especially in motherhood. Whether it be “how does she do it”:

• As a single mom or coparent
• As a widow
• As a mother to multiples
• As a mother with a full time job, part time job, multiple jobs, a stay at home mom
• As the sole provider for her family
• As someone who travels for work and is away from their kids frequently
• As someone who has a homestead, a large garden, runs a small business on the side

It is easy to compare when we think someone else is doing so much and we feel we are not. And it can even be overwhelming to consider our life prior to children, or the most recent addition to our family.

Occasionally we can have our own list of ‘to-do’s’ which becomes too much and prevents us from taking action. When comparison is occurring whether it be against another or ourselves, we need to let go – and let God.

Those to do lists can become hefty and cause our mind to drift from being present in the moment. By Creating a brain dump – or a list of everything which needs to be tackled, we can organize our brains instead of being stuck. After all, what they say is true – a task will fill the time given.

A helpful tip for when you are stuck in comparison trap is consider why you do what you do. Think of the “long game” and put it into an ‘I am’ statement. Statements could be something like: I am…

• Raising children who will be wonderful grown adults
• Taking time today to set myself up for success tomorrow
• Cleaning my kitchen each night to start fresh each morning
• Growing our own food to provide for my family
• Moving my body to show myself love and to stay strong for my children as we age together
• Rediscovering my faith to follow my path
• Starting a to do list to complete a project from start to finish
• Budgeting to help continue building financial freedom, to help when when times get tough and to help us reach our goals
• Decluttering and removing items from my home which we no longer need
• Building into myself to be present with my spouse and family
• Letting go of what no longer serves me

So, how does she do it?

Remember the list I shared earlier, about who I am? Those are the answers to ‘how I do it’. I do it because I feel grace God’s grace in each moment. God put the experiences and challenges in my life so I can learn from them and share his grace as a result.

The fact of the matter is, I choose to be committed in my life as opposed to simply interested. I do not let small stressful moments of my day ruin my attitude going forward. I remember each day is a blessing and I am so thankful for every opportunity (and milestone) which has come my way.

What I want you to know is, whatever you are experiencing in life, no matter how heavy or light your situation is, you are doing it. We might not be able to see what is going on behind someone’s smile – but we all have a why. The ‘why’ is what helps us become responsible for the changes we make in life.

In the words of Norina Cadili who gave this motivating “How Does She Do it” speech at the Women in Leadership Conference- “When you’re asking yourself ‘how does she do it?’ Just remember that you’re doing it, too.”